Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
