I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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