Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
