FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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