I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
