where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize