well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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