Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
