Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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