I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize