never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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