Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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