and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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