Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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