I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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