Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
