Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You can't special order awesome
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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