I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Someone signed my nipple.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
