Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
