I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
