It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
it was like eating out sand paper
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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