It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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