yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
