She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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