I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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