I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
