whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
