Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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