i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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