I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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