If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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