i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
