also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
