Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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