i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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