Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize