It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
