I just cut my nipple shaving
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
