This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
