We're like a lot better than the average bears
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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