White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
