how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
