I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
