my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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