I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
