I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
