i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize