Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
