I can text with my tongue
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
