Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
