I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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