And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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