so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
