All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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