And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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