Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
