There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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