Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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