If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
