smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
