I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
