If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
