So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
