I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
