At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
