i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
