we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
