the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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