he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
