drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
