all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
