Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
