I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
