get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
