She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Randomize
