So drunk its hurt
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
