wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Randomize
