I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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