low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
