you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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