this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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