Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
