what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i love accidental penises.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
