i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize