I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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