I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
