Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
