I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
