Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
