she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Your dad touched me again.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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