I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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