Tell her she can't have a vagina
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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