I accidentally had phone sex last night
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
