i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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