I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
