What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You took a bar mat shot.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
